Episode 23: Men Need Sexual Liberation, Too
My entire world revolves around women’s sexual liberation. It’s what fueled me to start the work that I do today. It’s what ignites me in every session I have with my clients. It’s what instigates the space that I take up as a sexual being.
I talk a lot of women’s sexual liberation. I read books about it, listen to lectures about it, get into lengthy discussions with my femme friends about it.
But I don’t talk so much about men’s sexual liberation.
That isn’t totally my fault—the work that I do isn’t for me and I choose only work with women- and femme-identifying folks. But for some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it’s like on the other side of things—to be raised as a sexual man in this sex-saturated, sex-negative society and how that informs the way men experience and see themselves sexually.
More than that, I’ve been wanting to make space to consider the ways I can help and show up for the men in my life to encourage them to be sexually free—whatever that looks like.
As a woman, this concept of men’s sexual liberation is a little foreign to me, so I invited a cis-guy (who you might know as Expressions Untold on Instagram) to sit down with me and speak to his personal experiences as both an erotic photographer and a regular, heterosexual dude from the South about male sexuality and what male sexual liberation looks like.
If you’re someone who has a male or masculine identifying partner, our conversation is a must-listen.
Here are the things we discussed:
/ How he, Expressions Untold, came into doing nude photography and writing erotica (and how he manages to make his work not feel like mainstream, male gaze-y porn).
/ #masculinitysofragile and why so many men are emotionally disconnected (spoiler: toxic masculinity!).
/ The ways men are sexually repressed—some of which are very similar to the ways women and femmes face sexual repression.
/ And Expressions Untold’s personal sexual liberation journey—how he went from trying to pray his sexuality away to finally accepting himself as a sexual being.
We also talked about Instagram politics, how to ask your man for what you want sexually (without hurting his fragile feelings), where sexually “woke” men can be found, and why you should be a “too much” woman.
“To me, male sexual liberation starts on the inside. Men need to change their views about what is masculinity. They have to change their views on what gender roles are and what they mean. Once you start there, then you can get to the point where you can embrace your sexuality.”
Some things mentioned in this episode:
Episode 15 (the one about nude photography and challenging the male gaze)
Episode 5 (the one about masculine/feminine polarity)
Expressions Untold’s NSFW Tumblr
And the one song that gets him in the mood