Episode 30: Slow & Sensual
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[INTRODUCTION FROM EV’YAN]
Hey, everyone! I’m Ev’Yan Whitney and this is The Sexually Liberated Woman.
If you’re a new listener, welcome! If you’re subscribed and have been tuning into each episode, welcome back. I’m so happy you’re here.
I’m in kind of a weird headspace this week and I’m having a hard time putting to words what’s up with me. I think it has something do with—actually, I know it has something to do with—my recent trip to New York where I went to speak and teach a workshop. I think that’s what it is. I’m still coming down from those vibes and processing all of the shifts that took place within me.
Oh, actually—before I get into all of that, let me do my shoutouts.
This segment, which has yet to have an official name, is a new tradition I making to highlight and give thanks to all the babes who are new supporters of The Sexually Liberated Woman via my Patreon. These incredible people are giving this podcast literal life with their precious coins, and I shout them out to show gratitude for their support.
I actually got a lot of Patreon love since the last episode and I’m excited to read off this list of names. OK, shoutout to Aria M, Tayler O, Lane B, Alyssa RA, Monica, and The Pleasure Mechanics for becoming patrons of The Sexually Liberated Woman. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re amazing and I appreciate you.
If you want to support The Sexually Liberated Woman, go to patreon.com/slwpodcast, and become a patron! As a patron, you’re helping all the costs of operating this podcast—the hosting fees, the transcription services, paying my amazing editor, etc.—be completely covered. You’re also joining a community of incredible people who are about sexual liberation. And the more support I have, the more likely it is that I won’t have another annoying year-long hiatus.
So if you love the show, become a patron! I’d love to have you. Again, you can do that by going to patreon.com/slwpodcast. Or if you’d rather make a one-time donation at an amount you choose, you can go to paypal.me/sexloveliberation. And I’ll put the links to all of this in the show notes.
Thank you much. I literally couldn’t do this without you.
OK, so back to this New York trip which was. . . oh my gosh, it was everything. This was my first time ever in New York, my first time ever on the east coast, my first official solo trip—lots of firsts. I’ve been wanting to go to this city for a long, long time; it’s been calling to my spirit for years, and I am thrilled that I finally made it out there. Actually, I’m really fucking proud of myself.
One intention that I set right before I was about to go on this trip was that this trip was going to prove all of my innermost fears wrong—and it absolutely 100% did. I had (and still have) so many limiting beliefs that have kept me from living the kind of life I am worthy of living.
These limiting, fear-based, anxiety-drenched beliefs have kept me from traveling to places like New York, from owning my power and wisdom as a healer, from taking risks that transform old stories I have about myself, from really believing in myself as a leader and general boss ass bitch. And so many of those limiting beliefs got challenged and dismantled through this trip.
There were these moments when I was walking the streets of Crown Heights to buy groceries, when I was riding the subway to get into Manhattan, when I was eating a meal on a rainy, hella humid day in Bedstuy, where I would be totally present and awake to where I was and what I was doing, and I would be like, “Yo, I’m here, right now. I’m in New York” and I would just sit in awe of myself for a minute and celebrate the fact that I was there and that I conquered massive fears in order to be there. I had so many moments like that.
And I felt that even more so when I was teaching my sold out sensual selfie workshop, Sexting Myself, in Bushwick. There were so many moments when, as I was listening to my students’ stories or witnessing and celebrating their sexual radiance, I would be reminded of not just where I was, but what I was doing—I am helping this incredible group of women and femmes heal their sexual trauma and rewrite new sexual narratives; that my work is deeply touching and transforming their lives in this moment. . .
Those moments of total consciousness of and awareness in who I am and the work that I do were such gifts, and it’s made me think about the ways I need to lean into the truth of my greatness and talents more, rather than shy away from them or let fear tell me otherwise.
Anyway, I could honestly go on about this for the next hour, but I do wanna say before I switch gears: If you’d like to stay up to date about my work and the next time I’m traveling to a city near you to speak or teach, my newsletter is the best place to be. Sign up at sexloveliberation.com/newsletter or click the link in the show notes. I will definitely be traveling more in the super near future and I would love to see you and share space with you in person.
So, one of the topics I talk about a lot in my work—with my clients specifically—is sensuality. That is, being totally connected to your body and its senses and how that relates to and is an important part of sexuality. Because my belief is that we cannot fully be in a place of total sexual expression if we’re disconnected from the sensual. We cannot be sexually liberated if we don’t have a mindful relationship with our bodies. The energy of both sexuality and sensuality feed off of each other; there cannot be one without the other.
I’ve been thinking a lot about sensuality lately as I come off the heels of this trip and ground back into my home and body after the physical and energetic upheaval of traveling. While there were moments of ease during my trip, much of it was spent going-going-going. I mean, NY itself is a high-energy, high intensity city, and it’s been really interesting to try to transition and ground back into a normal, slower-paced life here in Portland.
So since that’s where my mind is at today, I thought it’s be nice to share with you one of the lessons I give my students (and myself) about sensuality and the art of going slowly from my course, 30 Days of Sensuality. This course is kind of like a 30-day devotional to get you to reconnect to your sensual body and senses with audio meditations, journal prompts, and lessons to get you to embody sensuality daily. When I’m not in session with clients or teaching in-person workshops, I teach this course digitally. It’s my one of my favorite things to facilitate.
This lesson I’m sharing with you today comes from Day 15 and features a mini lesson and an assignment for you to embody today to get you to be more mindful about and in your senses.
I come back to this lesson a lot when I feel myself starting to get too much in my head and not enough in my own body—which happens regularly. That’s actually one of the biggest complaints I hear the most—people are tired of being in their heads too much during sex and want to learn how to inhabit their body more. And in my experience, I’ve found that embodying and making a practice of sensuality is the cure for that.
I hope you enjoy this mini lesson and that you find a few slow moments of your own to be fully in your body today.
I’ll be trying to do the same.
[ MAIN EPISODE BY EV’YAN ]
Have you ever caught yourself rushing around like a tornado without a real reason for it?
Perhaps you're driving from work and you're speeding through intersections to get home. Or maybe you're washing the dishes after dinner, clanking pots and almost breaking plates just to hurry up and finish. And there's no real reason for it, but you find yourself doing it anyway.
Rushing and speeding around through life is an intrinsic part of our culture. We're always in such a hurry—to get there, to finish, to arrive at Destination B so that we can hurry up and get to Destination C.
Is it any wonder why many of us feel disconnected from our bodies, from our experiences, from our senses? In rushing around, we forget we even have a body.
But it doesn't have to be this way. If we're here to fully inhabit our sensual bodies, we need to—and pardon my language—slow the fuck down. Sensuality cannot thrive in a hurried, full-speed-ahead, go-go-go! state.
So, today. . . I want you. . . to go. . . slowly.
Walk at a slower pace than you usually do today. Eat and savor your meals with intentional slowness (similar to the sensual assignment we did on day six). Pause before you speak and deliberately choose your words, enunciating them fully. Even listen to slower-paced music as a way to cradle you in this slow energy today.
Basically, I want you to be mindful about the speed at which you’re moving through the world and then slow that speed down a little bit.
One of the easiest ways to be reminded of going slowly throughout the day is to bring mindfulness to your breath. Remember how we started these thirty days of sensuality with mindful breathing? Your breath is a powerful reminder of slowing down because it can act as a metronome, one that tunes you in and times you beautifully to the present. You can very easily slow down a moment by tuning in and focusing on your breath. It’s kind of magical.
So whenever you feel yourself getting carried away into hurriedness today, pause, take in a breath, and let it out slowly. This one simple act will ground you back in to your body, slow your heart rate, and bring you back to the present moment, making it much easier for you to go back to slowness.
Also: I want you to check your self-talk today. If you find yourself waiting in a line today or even stuck in traffic, maybe your inner impulse would’ve been to think, “God, I wish they’d hurry up” or to feel a slight panic that you are forced to stand still for a few moments.
But for today, I want you to allow yourself to surrender to any moment of stillness that you cannot readily get out of—be it an elevator that is taking its sweet and precious time to get to your floor or the light on the highway that seems like it’ll never turn green.
If it’s helpful, you might even put a reminder someplace where you'll see it today—as a wallpaper for your phone, perhaps, or a post-it on your mirror—that says something like. . .
Take your time.
There’s no hurry.
Savor this moment.
Or simply. . . Go slowly.
I should say here that going slowly doesn't always translate to cool, calm, and collected living. Things will still be hectic, and the world around you won't cease their hurrying just because you're altering your own pace.
I also don't expect for you to live this entire day in complete slowness. There will be moments today where hurrying might be necessary—say, you're running to catch the bus or a project deadline is closing in on you.
The trick for you, then, will be to try to find slowness and stillness even in those fast-paced moments. Is it even possible? I think so.
Enjoy going slow today.
Going deeper (journal prompts):
1. How do I feel in my body when I’m rushing around? What am I like when I’m hurrying?
2. When I consciously choose to go at a slower pace, what shifts do I see in the world around me? In my own energy?
3. In what other areas could I infuse this kind of slow-paced living? Slow creating? Slow sex, perhaps?
If you would like to continue this journey of sensual exploration and embodiment, go to sexloveliberation.com/sensuality and sign up for my course, 30 Days of Sensuality. I would love to have you and I would love to facilitate your sensual awakening.
[ CREDITS ]
The Sexually Liberated Woman is produced, edited, and designed by me, Ev’Yan Whitney. With editing help from Justine Mclellan.
If you love this podcast, I’d love it if you left me a review on Apple Podcasts.
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As for me, you can find me on my blog sexloveliberation.com and on instagram @evyan.whitney.
Thanks so much for being here and I’ll see you in the next episode.