Episode 26: Tasha Is A Sexually Liberated Woman
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[ INTRODUCTION FROM EV’YAN ]
Hey everyone, welcome to The Sexually Liberated Woman. I’m Ev’Yan Whitney and today I’m bringing you an official brand spanking new episode—finally.
If you’re new here, you might not know that the sexually liberated woman didn’t start off as a podcast. It was actually an interview series I created on my blog to highlight some of the brave women I worked with in the past; giving them space to share their sexual liberation journeys and to celebrate their healing work. When I was on my year hiatus, I heard from a lot of you who were going back into the archives to get your fix, but those conversations with Kate, Emily, and Ingrid were really moving and relatable to you. Many of you started your own sexual liberation journeys because of those conversations.
So in that vein, and to celebrate the return of the sexually liberated woman, I’m going back to my roots today and I’m sharing with you an honest and incredibly vulnerable conversation I had with another one of the brave women I’ve worked with; Her name is Tasha.
One of the first things that Tasha wrote when putting in an application to work with me was that she was a queer feminine non-monogamous goddess who was wanting to escape the clamp of her past sexual shame. She wanted to experience deep intimacy and reach a level of sexual confidence that her trauma was not really allowing her to access at that time.
So, we got to work, starting with addressing and dismantling the old stories that were keeping her in shame and working toward where she is today; living in a place of total erotic joy after having released and reconciled with her sexual past. Tasha is a survivor, an impact, a pleasure seeker. She has fears, boundaries, and knows her sexual worth. She’s brave, bold, and vibrant. Tasha is a sexually liberated woman and I’m so excited to introduce you to her.
Before I do, I just wanna give a heads up. In this conversation, the topic of rape, violation, and sexual assault comes up. We don’t go into graphic detail or anything like that but if you feel hearing a survivor story might be too much for you, definitely take care of yourself and listen to this episode at another time. Okay, here’s our conversation.
[ INTERVIEW WITH TASHA ]
Ev’Yan: Oh Tasha, I’m so excited to talk to you today and to get updated on we’re at since we last spoke. I mean, it’s been a couple of months and I’m really looking forward to revisiting your story, revisiting your healing journey and hearing about how awesome your sex life is right now.
Tasha: Yeah, me too. This is really fun just to see the progress that has happened since we last worked together.
Ev’Yan: Yeah so, I’m actually looking through our notes right now, looking through the notes that I took when we were in session together and I wrote down that we started working together on November 8th of 2017 and it feels like so long ago so this is kind of a weird question for me to ask you but like I don’t know if it’s possible for you to like think about who you were on November 8th. Like, what was going on then, what sort of things led you to wanting to do this work.
Tasha: Yeah, I think it’s so interesting cause I remember that feeling very vividly of just being done, being fed up with the victim mode that felt safe. It’s like conscious brain was just ready for celebration and ready for the breaking of the chains of the victim that I had become throughout the years and quite literally the victim but also, I was just ready for peace and I was ready to let go and I remember that feeling so vividly of being like… Okay, something… I need a sign. I need something to jump out of me. I am just so ready.
I remember our first preliminary talk before I had even signed up with you was… I was just kneeling on my floor, my phone on my bed, I was just like, okay, I need something to change, I’m looking at the window and I’m like, “I know that I see beauty in so much so why do I feel so much sadness and darkness within me that just doesn’t feel like mine”. - and I knew so much that it had to do with my sexual liberation and healing a lot and it’s just such an interesting feeling to be aware of that but also like know that I needed help with that.
Ev’Yan: Yeah, I’m curious about like how you knew that you need help because I know that there’s so many people—and myself included—we can just kind of coast , you know, with the way things are and think like, “Uh, this is as good as it gonna get.” Yeah, I’m curious like what it was that like you know, that like this is not the way that I want things to be.
Tasha: I’ve been always been the type of person that is naturally an optimist and I was starting to feel like pessimistic about well, that’s is the way it’s gonna be, like I am, maybe this happens for a reason, you know, maybe I’m stuck here for a reason and like I’ve always thought that your healing comes when you most need it so I was feeling like I emotionally had hit rock bottom with myself and in those moments I was like, “I deserve better than this.” and I just knew intuitively that it just like wasn’t matching. The way that I was feeling just didn’t match the way that I knew that I was and that I am. So that like, almost like vigor, that excitement for life was where I wanted to be and where I was just didn’t fit that. So, I just knew that like, it was just not who I was. And I was like, “Why can’t I get there by myself?” and I think that’s when I was really like, “Okay, I need help.” because it’s sort of like an old 90’s song when you’re lying in the bathroom floor you know, you’re lying naked on the floor and you’re crying, you’re like, “There has to be more than this.” and that’s kind of where I was.
Ev’Yan: You were talking about like you knew that this wasn’t you, like the person that you were at the time wasn’t you. Tell me who you were at that time.
Tasha: At that time, I was kinda of going through the motions. I had experienced a lot of different sex and I was experiencing a lot of different sexual experiences that I did want to explore so that was super brave of me to do at that time. And also, I was realizing that they weren’t deeply connected sexual interactions with people. I was having a lot of great sex but it wasn’t a lot of really great meaningful sex. And that is something that I think I was craving – I have been craving since I, you know, first had sex as a teen is that intimacy. You know I thought that whole time I was like, “I’m having such great sex. It’s so great. Everything’s great.”
Then, I would be in my bed alone and be like, “No, this is like, it feels empty. It feels like…” not meaningless because there was obviously… there was meaning there for me but it’s just wasn’t the connective sober experiences that I was hoping for.
Ev’Yan: How did you see yourself as a sexual being at that time?
Tasha: I saw myself as, you know, the dark edgy woman who was experiencing all the sex that she wanted to physically. I knew that there was more to that, that I wasn’t experiencing and I knew that it was definitely like my breaking point because I had all these great stories to tell, you know, that I was experiencing all this great sex and that it wouldn’t equal up to the great sex, that was like, connective experience that I was looking for.
Ev’Yan: Like this sense of emotional availability?
Tasha: Yes, emotional availability especially and also during those sexual experiences, you know, I would hold the other person and I would be there to… be there for the other person when really, I needed someone to be there for me and I wasn’t allowing other people that opportunity to be there for me because I was taking control of every situation so that I wouldn’t be vulnerable or have to be vulnerable with people.
Ev’Yan: Yeah, I remember us talking about that a lot in sessions, like this idea of softening, this idea of allowing yourself to feel safe in these sexual interactions that you were having and I remember at that time… and it happened so beautifully that right around the time that we started our work together I think you got into a relationship with the fellow that you’re with now, right? - like it was a very new.
I remember thinking like, isn’t this interesting that like right when we are just about to get into the nitty-gritty about intimacy, emotional availability, vulnerability, that there was this guy in your life and he’s asking for you, I mean not like directly but, the relationship that you guys are creating with each other was asking of you to surrender in some ways. It was asking of you to seek that emotional connection. I just thought that was so interesting how’d it happened.
Tasha: It really was divine timing for that. It was like the whole like practice what you preach like I was literally practicing what we are working on – I was practicing in real time, in real life. It was incredible.
Ev’Yan: Yeah, it’s so funny how that works. It’s like as soon as you heed the call and begin to do this work, the universe is just like, “Okay, here you go. Let’s begin.”
Tasha: Yeah! It’s just the use of the process that comes in where you choose to do the works and then everything fills in. It’s an incredible feeling. You don’t have to work outside of the work that you’re doing because you’re so invested in yourself and in the work that you’re doing that then, like everything just like falls into place. It’s really incredible the way that it worked.
Ev’Yan: What an amazing affirmation too that this is the path you’re supposed to be on. Like this was… the decision that you made to do this work to commit to healing yourself in this way – it was just an affirmation that this is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Tasha: Yeah, that was incredible to have like universal support in that way because I think that’s something we worked on to a lot is the forgiveness in allowing yourself to move forward without having to explain to people why and leaving things in the past that no longer serve you. You don’t have to have an explanation for that. Sometimes you just have to move forward. And that was a really hard process. But also super rewarding.
Ev’Yan: What sort of things do you feel like you released or that you had to release at that time in order for you to… not just be in this new and exciting and safe relationship but to come home to yourself and to begin to explore sexuality, sensuality, your feminine essence on your own terms?
Tasha: I had to release a lot. I had to love and release the inner child that, you know, was striving for sexual attention just to be brave and to be confident so that no one could see her vulnerability. I had to release expectations from other people that I was non- monogamous for a while.
Tasha: I just had to release their relationships and my relationships in ways that like wasn’t probably the most graceful from the outside, but for me I had to release it in order to focus on myself. Releasing self-doubt was a big one and gaining self-trust and trusting my orgasm, trusting my sexual experiences, trusting my past and I think the timing for that was incredible as well with everything that was going out with the media really brought out a lot.
Ev’Yan: Oh my God. Yeah, cause that was right around the time that the #MeToo stuff was picking up.
Tasha: Literally the Harvey Weinstein stuff broke as soon as we started talking about my sexual past. And that was so triggering and the releasing of that in itself was… I mean… I think we talked about that for a couple of weeks of just like… I remember just emailing you and being like, “I’m freaking out a little bit, like there’s still a lot of energy going around.” And like, just the openness of people and their rhetoric about like talking about rape and talking about Harvey Weinstein that was just so open that I’d be like bartending or serving and people would just openly talking about rape and like not the most respectful ways but also that was their viewpoint so I couldn’t make them wrong for that; but it was so triggering for me every day to go into work and be like, “Oh my God, this is still in the headlines, like this is going to be in the headlines for a while so how do I get past this and how do I heal through this?”
Ev’Yan: And I mean, even harder to be in a job that is something like bartending where you are having to use your body, you’re having to put yourself out there and be very visible in ways that could be even more triggering and even more activating for you and I remember we had conversations about that – about boundaries like really being able to make yourself feel safe when you have this interactions with men who are probably a little drunk and who want to say things or look at you at a certain way.
I remember those times, especially during times that we were talking and you know, the Harvey Weinstein stuff was coming up, that was an incredibly… I mean… I think everyone at that time was really feeling all of that. Like really feeling the energy and really just grieving and having so much stuff come up. I remember being just very proud of the way that you were allowing these emotions to come up and to come through you, you know? I think there is a… I don’t know, like an urge or a tendency to feel these things come up and be like, “Okay. Well, there they are and I don’t know what to with them so I’m just gonna try to ignore them.” But I remember watching you process these things in session and being able to hold space for yourself; particularly, hold space for your younger self – the self that made certain decisions about sex, who had certain things done to her and being able to sit with that younger self and be able to say like, “It’s OK, I’m going to give you the care, and the love, and the compassion that you need” and I thought that was so…
As someone who also has been sexually traumatized, that was very inspiring and even healing for me to witness someone else process in that way.
Tasha: Thank you, that feels so yummy. It was definitely a trying time and it’s such an interesting thing to see the perspective now. Just a year ago, like I wasn’t even able to say the word rape and say anything about sexual abuse out loud and you know, being around people that would like joke about rape or like say, “something was like rapey” would send me into such a downward spiral and now it’s like more of the history being factual rather than your story. You know, my past is now at a place where I can fully say that, “That’s what happened, yes. And also, I am who I am today because I made choices for myself to heal from that.” So, it no longer makes up who I am actively, you know, and that’s not to say that like, you know, I don’t have sad times or have those moments of… And I say this in a positive way of feeling sorry for yourself because I think it’s really important throughout healing to let yourself feel those really deep moments of sorrow for yourself.
You know that’s something to say that when that stuff comes up, like I don’t feel those things out. But there’s a difference from feeling them out and also being like, “I’m really sad, I’m gonna suppress until next time.” And that’s when things start like to really bubble over.
Ev’Yan: I don’t know if you feel comfortable talking about it, but I would love to hear more, or at least I would love to hear you share more about how you came to reconcile and heal from your sexual past, your sexual trauma. Because I know that this is a story that so many women resonate with myself included. Especially what you said about not being able to use the word rape for so long. I’m really curious about like when it was that you gave yourself permission to finally use that word and why?
Tasha: I think, the #MeToo movement really helped me to see that there were so many other women. I think it was like kinda the stages of grief and I’m no expert of those but I know that there’s anger and there’s sadness and I think when I first started seeing the #MeToo movement it was this… I don’t want to say excitement but it was this almost vibrant within me that came out that I was like, “Oh my gosh. There are other people talking about this.”
During the #MeToo movement I was at a place where I knew that it was important to talk about and also, I was sort of shy to talk about it cause I didn’t want anyone to make other people feel uncomfortable but the when the #MeToo movement came out, it was kinda of in your face and it was like there and you couldn’t deny it. I think that, this year especially, the word rape is just… it’s a word to me now that describes something that had happened to me and also, I don’t let it swallow me anymore. I sort of use it as an empowering tool to describe my process and my empowerment.
You know, when I was 16 years old… 15 years old really, when I first experienced sexual abuse like if I would’ve had more people around me talking about their experiences I think I would’ve gone to a way more positive place earlier and that’s okay that’s wasn’t there but I just think it’s just so important to talk about these things now because I know what if felt like to be a high schooler who was super depressed and you know, would go to the doctor and scared to tell them about the rape that had just happened and also like the shame that the whole experience had, you know, at school, in the doctor’s office, in my own bedroom when I’m laying by myself just not understanding like what had just happened, not understanding how I let it happen, not understanding how somebody else could do this to me and like it was such a downward spiral of confusion that I just feel like even just talking about this stuff is so super important because any woman listening has someone or a voice to relate to and I feel that’s just so, so important.
Ev’Yan: Yeah. One of the things that I really appreciated about our work together was… and you were kinda of mentioning this a little bit ago about, you know, not feeling ashamed, or like being able to use the word rape as an empowerment tool which I think is like really radical and I’m sure there are some people, they are like, “I don’t even know what that looks like. I don’t know what that means.”
But I was really inspired by that and also your way of being able to change this narrative about your sexual past that the things that you have done sexually when you were young, when you were wounded, when you didn’t know how to take care of yourself or how to advocate for yourself like… I know that this a story that so many other women are holding too, like this idea that the amount of sexual partners we have or the amount of sexual experiences that we’ve had should be looked at and should be judged or something that we should be ashamed of.
I remember us working through this a lot in our work together, where seeing like your sexual past is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be proud of and I wonder like if you could speak to the way that you’re seeing your sexual past these days cause I know when we first started it was like, I don’t want to even tell my partner what had happened to me, like, how many people that I’ve been with, or what sort of experiences that I’ve had. I’m curious about how that’s feeling for you today.
Tasha: You know, it’s so interesting because I remember speaking with you about a person I’d slept with and having this minor moment of being like, “Do I need to tell my current partner because we’re gonna see that person at social gatherings and stuff. Do I need to tell my current partner that we slept together?” And one of the greatest things that you said was, “Are those emotions present for you right now? Like, do you feel something for that person?” I was like, “Absolutely not. It’s a past thing but like it’s holding on a shame for me.” And your guidance through that was so important for because it doesn’t make who I am today, it is something that I experienced and I think that’s the way now that I…
I feel empowered through my sexual past because they were all experiences and I’m here at my present moment, present self, living in perfection because of that. You know, I was living in such like a tumultuous, emotional time and I was making due on what I had and what I had and what I had was holding onto different sexual experiences to fill me, and that’s OK.
Today I am looking within myself to fulfill me with like healthy lifestyle choices and different things that fill me up like theater, you know, and I think I was living sort of through that addiction of wanting to be loved and wanting to be someone's, wanting to be, you know, shown affection and the best way that I could come up with an answer for that was to have different sexual experiences. So I’m empowered by myself today because of how strong I had to be during those times. I didn’t have a lot of great resources for expressing myself so if I used sex as an expression… I mean what a beautiful way to save myself essentially.
I definitely wouldn’t repeat it for myself because it no longer serves me but I mean I was making due with what I thought I wanted at that time which is empowering to look at now, you know…
Ev’Yan: Yeah. I love like how you can look back at the person that you were and the decisions you were making from a place of fear, from a place of longing, like you can look at all those things with compassion and love and acceptance, and forgiveness too. I mean that was a really big part of the work that we did was not just releasing trauma, releasing these old stories but also forgiveness of self, cause I know that there’s a big part of you that was like judging yourself, blaming yourself, wishing that things had been different and I definitely remember telling you in session multiple times like, “This is who you are, all of those things that happened to you for better or for worse, they have brought you here today and in some ways they have protected you, they kept you safe and what a beautiful way to flip the perspective.
You know, I think so often we look at women who used sexual promiscuity as a way to heal from sexual trauma and that’s all we see, you know, I think we can peel back the layers and really examine closely like with compassion and with love, it completely changes the energy around all of that.
Tasha: I so agree with that, 100 percent. I remember having a lot of out of body experiences with sex and my brain would leave the room and that was the way to save myself from being taken advantage of in those times.
You know, our brains in our bodies are doing the best that they can but they are always here to serve us. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being like, “Okay brain, take a backseat, I’m driving now.” You know, it’s just incredible the way that our brains in our bodies can take care of us.
[ AD BREAK ]
Ev’Yan: The Sexually Liberated Woman celebrates sexual liberation and since you’re listening to this podcast, I think it’s pretty safe for me to assume that you’re already about that life. Maybe you’re already on your sexual liberation journey and you’re in this process of fully exploring your erotic self, or maybe you’re one of the many, many people out there who isn’t at all comfortable with their sexuality.
If so, I have some things that might help. When I’m not doing this podcast, I teach classes and facilitate healing that helps women and families liberate and connect to their sexuality and I’ve created some awesome resources to help them on their journey. There is a sensuality course that guides you into reconnecting with your sensual body one day at a time.
There’s a digital workshop I lead that teaches you how to use sensual selfies as a way to heal and celebrate your sexuality. There’s also my sexual liberation and healing practice where I help you step out of shame and into erotic empowerment via one-on-one mentoring, counseling, space holding, and fears accountability.
So, if you want to be sexually free, go to sexloveliberation.com/shop and start your sexual liberation journey. I absolutely cannot wait to witness your blossoming and I’ll see you there.
[ INTERVIEW WITH TASHA ]
Ev’Yan: Another thing that I’m curious about is like the way in which your partner was able to hold space for you, give you patience and love as you purged all this shit—as you figure it all out, as you heal through these things, as you were retraumatized. I remember being so ecstatic for you that you had a support system in this way—that you had someone who was able to hold space for you without judging you and was a constant source of love and support for you as you were doing those things.
I think like, I know for me it’s so difficult for me to reconcile with my own sexual past and my sexual trauma while I was in a relationship with someone because I felt like, “Oh man, if I do this work, then it’s gonna get really messy and I don’t know if I can allow myself to be messy with this person. I don’t know if this person has the capacity to allow me to be messy in this way.”
What are the things did you ask for? What sort of things did you receive from your partner as you were doing this kind of healing work?
Tasha: It’s just absolutely incredible. The moment that I started doing this work, I knew it was going to be life changing and in the past, in any relationship that I had in the past, I immediately go in this relationship like, “Here are the things that they need to know about me: I am a 2-time rape victim, I’m a hot mess and I’m kind of like of a disaster.” and like those were the old stories that I was telling myself so I like went into this new relationship, thankfully as we’re working together like, kinda letting go of those stories and it created this beautiful space until I created my own narrative about my life and also present myself as the raw version of me without my partner like having to know like, here’s the old stories and this is what you’re gonna get.
What I realized doing this work is that not everything has to be so freaking dramatic. Honestly, I was like, I was a teenager when I experienced the sexual traumas so everything has a teenager is dramatic.
There are so many emotions and body changes and there’s just so many hormones running through you so everything does feel way more dramatic. So, as I started to experience this work and like would ask things for my partner it was just incredible how easeful, and easy, and just joyous everything was – from asking for you know, sexual acts that I wanted to like to ask for space. It was so incredible how my partner met me with such kindness and softness and openness to experience me in whatever form I found myself in.
And I think the most important thing throughout that whole entire process was just communication. It’s hard as it can be. Sometimes these stories that I would make up in my head about like, “Oh my gosh, I’ve to ask for what I want. This is so hard.” and then I would present my partner with this and they would be like, “Okay cool. Let’s try it.” and I’m like, “What? How was that so easy?” It was so much harder in my braid.
Ev’Yan: Yeah. I totally remember like we would have these conversations about this, about like you know, the things that you want and the things that you want to ask for but feeling like, “If I asked for that, he’s response could be this or maybe he won’t be able to meet me there.” and like, the moment that you were able to ask, the moment that you just allowed yourself to be like, “Okay, I’m gonna be incredibly vulnerable here. I’m gonna be a little messy here and just tell you what’s on my mind or tell you like how I’m feeling…” I don’t know if it’s because you’re a man, it’s like amazing. I mean he is amazing right, but he was so able and willing to meet you there and that’s one of the things that I think is so important for people to remember and to realize it that like the ones who are meant to be with us throughout this journey whether those are romantic partners, sexual partners, or BFFs like when we make a request that is for our healing in particular, the people who ate meant to be with us, they will see that request and they will take it, no question. Like it won’t be dramatic, it won’t be like, “Woah, why are you asking about this?”
Like they will intuitively know this is what she means in order for her to be supported, in order for her to feel safe. I loved being able to watch you kind of get like surprised how easy it was, like the moment you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and spill like, “Okay, I don’t know what this is gonna look like or how are you gonna respond to this.” and he was just like, “Yeah sure. Let’s do that. That’s great.”
Tasha: It was so fun to figure out like the ways that I was finding comfort, so like you know, maybe I couldn’t say that out loud so I’ll write it down and like pass like a little secret note and be like, “Oh my gosh, can you just read it.” and you know my partner was like, ‘OK, cool!” So little things like that. There’s so much joy and playfulness you can bring to those moments too of being like, “So I’m like I’m having a lot of trouble saying this and saying it out loud so like maybe I could do it in a different way or like, you know, say it over dinner, or like we’re gonna have this conversation that’s gonna be super fun, we’re gonna turn on some music and say it over dinner”—there’s so many different ways to approach it. Our brains are sort of want to make it hard from the start and it doesn’t have to be. That’s fun though too exploring with your partner of like how can we create this fun newness as like we’re getting to know each other and like getting the norms of the relationship going like how can we get creative in the ways that we communicate with each other cause I think that’s super important.
Ev’Yan: Absolutely, it’s completely in service of the healing that you’re doing and you’re continuing to practice this expression of vulnerability. It’s like the more that you practice it, the more that like your brain realizes like, “Oh, if I ask for what I want, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be rejected.” like it kinda creates positivity loop where you put yourself out there, it feels really big and scary and then you’re freaking out and then you’ll realize like, “Oh, it can be easy? He can space for me, I don’t have to like, you know, explain myself or answer any of the follow-up questions?” It’s a practice, you know.
Tasha: It’s so interesting to like, when that practice is in play and then like after they say, “Yeah, sure that’s great.” and you’re like… but wait what?... Like your brain is still like looking for like difficult and like dis-ease with it, “Oh okay, I guess let’s make dinner that night.” Okay that was easier than I thought.
I like booked to this for like half hour today and literally three minutes so you know… [LAUGHS]
Ev’Yan: Yeah, we’ve been talking so much about like, your old story, you know the way that you have healed yourself through some really traumatic and challenging times, I wanna hear more about like what is going on for you today? Like, as a result of doing all this work which I mean, it was months and months and months of this really deep, dirty, messy work. What is happening now, like, what’s your sex life like? How’s your body feeling? Tell me everything!
Tasha: My whole woman essence I guess, my goddess energy, my divine feminine has been slowly coming forth. It’s interesting too, I think my body has just been so excited for summer here in Cleveland cause it’s been a little bit gloomy, so like, my body is ready for crop tops. My body is ready for bathing suits, like you know… It’s so interesting because like last year when I’m thinking about summer, “Oh okay cool it’s a little sunny outside. Yeah, that’s fun.” but also like this year I’m like, I’m ready like to be in my body and not let anybody tell me anything about my body. Like I’m not letting anyone convince me otherwise. Like, challenge accepted, I’m ready for full sunshine and I don’t think I would be there if I haven’t done this work.
I mean, my sex life is incredible, I am having just like super connectice, goofy, fun, joyous sex and…
Ev’Yan: Yesssss! Oh, I love that you said goofy because I think sometimes it takes sex way too goddamn seriously so like… I love that you used the word goofy to describe your sex life. That sounds so fun.
Tasha: Honestly, I haven’t had this many giggles in a relationship in ever so that’s something that is so incredible it’s like I’ve been learning, it’s like I am a person that’s filled with laughter. I love laughing and I don’t care at the moments when it is, I will laugh it. Inappropriate you know, whatever times… and also having giggles, be appropriate during sex and making those rules for yourself of being like, “Okay, this is our normal. This is what we enjoy.” like, it’s such an incredible feeling and discussing what turns us on and like discussing just…
You know, I went to this in relationship being like, I am going to be a little too much for this person, I might scare them away but like how open I am about what turns me on and like if I see something on TV I’m like, really vocal about it or if I like see somebody’s outfit I’m like, “Oh my gosh, that’s super sexual.” There’s a lot in life that turns me on and I think throughout our work, like I’ve been so much more open and vocal about that and it’s starting to become like a norm of people that I’m around which feels really good because I really do feel like it opens doors for other people to also experience things in real time which feels so good. And you know at first, I was like, “Oh my gosh, maybe I should be a little quieter about the things that turn me on.” but then now, my partner’s starting to play back with me and it’s like, this like banter of things that turns us on and it just likes explodes on this amazing sexual experience and it’s just such an incredible feeling to be so on the same page with your partner.
Ev’Yan: I’m so happy for you like you have no idea, ‘cause I remember one of the things that came up was and I don’t know if you said this directly, it may have been something that I just sensed from you in session but I remember me sensing that kind of relationship, that kind of erotic joy wasn’t possible for you; that there was a part of you that didn’t feel that you deserved it, that you could access that, so to hear that you are accessing erotic joy on a regular basis, I mean that just makes me feel so good for you. I love hearing that people are having the kinds of sex and the kinds of sex lives that they want to have and I’m just so happy and so proud of the work that you’ve done in order to reclaim that.
Tasha: Thank you. It feels so good.
And also, it’s such a great bookmark in my brain to like hear you say that because that did bring me a lot of sadness when I was like, I just don’t think I deserve that and now I’m like looking at my past self like, “Girl, come on. There was never a point that you did not deserve that. I get that your healing journey did not give that to you then” and I’m like I’m so proud of myself now because it’s such an interesting thing cause I would never now, in the place that I am let myself get to that place where I felt like I did not deserve something like that. And so now, it’s kind of like a cute little bookmark for me to be like, “Okay, we’re really in a good place now.”
Ev’Yan: Oh my God, I mean when I just think about who you were when we first started in November and who you are today, I was about to say it was like lightyears of a difference but it’s really… I mean you’re still the same you. I just feel like the volume has been turned up and all the right areas of your life so that you can access that erotic joys. That you can feel 100 percent home in your body and I really see our work as being ways for you to find the way to turn up the volume. Turn up the volume on the joy and turn down the volume on, you know, the stories about what you were worth, about your sexual past, like all of those things.
It’s so beautiful to witness you living in like full color.
Tasha: Thank you. Color is my thing. It really feels good to be there.
Ev’Yan: Before I let you go, I wanna know since like our work is so much about sexual liberation, I want to know what sexual liberation means to you these days? What does look like?
Tasha: Sexual liberation to me means—the whole like give no fucks is kinda of where I am. It is my body, it is my space, it is my journey and to listen to others and their own discomforts about you know the person that I am or the journey that I’m on is such a service to me and to them, you know.
Sexual liberation to me is honesty with myself and with others, is sexual openness with myself and others, it is the vibrant vulnerability and vibrant visibility that I strive for most of my life, that’s where I currently am. I still have one of your affirmations on my wall. I think it’s still rings true for this. “I am the owner of my sexual identity and no one can take that away from me without my permission.”
Ev’Yan: Yeah, I love that you still have that up.
Tasha: Sexual liberation is a celebration, is the divine feminine dancing on the beach, it is everything – the lightness and joy that sex and your sexual identity brings you; not the anxiety or the worry or the stress that it brings you because that’s all just things I feel like from other people putting things on us that don’t match who we really are. I think sexual liberation is Tasha, that’s me, that’s who I am now. It’s such a beautiful feeling to like also put my name and my being with my sexual liberation. They’re not two different things, they’re one now.
Ev’Yan: I love that. I love that so much. It makes me so happy. Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story and go down memory lane with me.
Tasha: You are so welcome, my pleasure.
Ev’Yan: It was such an incredible experience to witness your blossoming and to able to hold space for it. I know I’ve said this before a dozen times to you but, thank you so much for showing up so fully for your healing process and for being so vulnerable and for entrusting me with your tender bits, you know, the parts of you that were raw and unsure of where to go. I’m just… I feel incredibly honored to have witnessed that.
Tasha: My goodness. Thank you so much for saying that and it was an absolute honor to work with you, I mean, you’ve known us for a while like I started following your work years ago. And I was just like, yeah, this is going to be a relationship in my life that is going to change me.
And it’s so interesting throughout our entire journey together how you helped me come home to myself and not changed me. You just helped me come home to who I am and who I feel, you know, so it feels so good.
Ev’Yan: Yay to an erotic journey!
[ CREDITS ]
Thank you for listening to the sexually liberated woman. If you like this podcast, I’d love it if you gave me 5 stars or 4 stars is fine too on Apple Podcast. Doing this helps others find the sexually liberated woman and also helps others find sexual liberation which I think is a win-win.
As for me Ev’Yan, you can find me on blog, sexloveliberation.com and on Instagram @evyan.whitney.
And if you want to become a sexual liberated woman, maybe like Tasha, go to sexloveliberation.com/slw and maybe I’ll be chatting with you about your sexual liberation journey someday.
I’ll see you in the next episode.