Episode 41: 21 Sex Questions with Ev’Yan’s Mom and Sister


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Hey, everyone! I'm Ev’Yan and this is the Sexually Liberated Woman. I am so excited to share this episode with you today because it features a conversation between me and two of my favorite people, my mom and my sister.

This isn't the first time they've been on the Sexually Liberated Woman. I spoke to my mom, her name is Simone about her own sexual liberation journey which was both hilarious and heartwarming on episode nineteen. And then I spoke to my sister her name is Jarani about how she came into her sexual identity, where we also talked about weed and chronic pain and the way we both grew up into our sexuality and that was on episode thirty six. If you haven't listened to those episode yet please do because they'll bring even more context to today's episode and it'll also give you an idea of what their own sexual history has been like.

Each time they were on my podcast, even though there were a few light moments, what we were ultimately discussing was a bit heavy and at times difficult to listen to. And while it's important to make space for the hard shit, I also want to make space for the fun shit too especially because so much of what the three of us are like when we're together is fun and goofy and silly with each other. So I brought my mom and my sister on again at the same time to have a little fun with me.

Neither of them had any idea of what I had under my sleeve with this episode, all they knew was that I wanted to have both of them on to talk sex with them. Little did they know I had found twenty one fun, silly and a little embarrassing sex questions to ask them and create many discussions off of their answers. And what comes through is hilarious and delightful and really really sweet. There are also a lot of what I like to call mommy-isms and you'll know what I mean by that as you listen.

We actually recorded this on mother's day after spending the entire day with each other so we were feeling really comfortable and loose and happy to be in each other's presence because unfortunately we don't see each other as much as we'd like. And while I was sitting there with all of my podcast gear on my dining room table listening to my mom wax poetic about love making and my sister share her adventures in public sex, I felt an immense swell of gratitude and love and just awe for these two women who have raised and supported me and who were being so brave and open with me about their own sexuality in that moment.

I walked away from this conversation feeling extremely blessed and lucky and so so grateful to have a relationship with my mom and my sister that is both open and honest and also trusting enough that we can have conversations like this at all because it wasn't always this way. So I'm really really grateful for how close we are and how much love there is between us.

I hope you enjoy this fun little conversation between me, my mom and my sister and that you get a kick out of listening to the stories and sentiments of two of the most powerful women I know. And hey, if you’re feeling brave and want to have a fun, quirky conversation with some of your loved ones about sex and butt stuff because that comes up, head over to the show notes of this episode and you can ask the very same questions I did to my mom and my sister on this episode.



Ev'Yan: I guess what inspired this is, I loved having you guys on my podcast and when we had our podcast episodes and we're having a conversation, I mean they were like some, there's levity right? But like it wasn't like fun stuff that we're talking about so I thought to change it up and to just like, you know, have us have a little fun. I would ask you some questions and these questions I am calling twenty one sex questions with Mommy and Jarani.

Simone: Oh my god.

Jarani: This is excellent!

Ev'Yan: So the way that this is gonna work, is I'm gonna ask you guys some questions, I'll chime in every once in awhile because I don't want you guys to feel like you're being you know-

Jarani: Grilled.

Ev'Yan: Grilled. These questions are… they're interesting questions.

Simone: Okay I'm excited.

Ev'Yan: And so I'm gonna ask you guys the questions and you could just give me your honest answer. If you have a question that you're like, um I don't answer that, you can just say I'm not answering, however, I made these questions very, very tame so you might get a little crap for me if you decide that. But you're allowed to skip one or two, but can't skip all of them

Jarani and Simone: Okay.

Ev'Yan: I would love your first thoughts first, okay? Like I don't want you guys to be like, well okay what is the right answer, I know my real answer but what is the answer that I want other people to hear, you know? Like what's your real answer? Like this is our real red table talk except my table isn’t red,

Jarani: Don’t tell people that, it’s so red you should see it,  it’s super red.

Ev'Yan: Okay so are you guys ready?

Jarani: Yeah I have like butterflies and I'm ready.

Ev'Yan: Yay! That's what I want. Do you have any questions?

Simone: No.

Ev'Yan: Are you concerned?

Simone: Yes.

Jarani:  No, I’m not concerned, I’m excited.

Ev'Yan: Okay Jarani’s excited.

Simone: I’m a little worried.

Ev'Yan: What are you worried about?

Simone: Because I don't know what kind of questions you’re going to ask.

Ev'Yan: They're like, actually we can just get into it, it’s time. What do you think about the term “making love”? Jarani made a face, Mommy smiled.

Jarani: Can I?

Ev’Yan: Yeah.

Jarani: Okay so I think it's kind of, it's endearing but it's cheesy, like a little bit, you know there's been times were like in the right context of the moment you're like, awe that's so sweet, and then other times and kind of like, no just be real about it like what are we, what are we doing like what are you asking. And “making love” just doesn't feel like that. Making love reminds me of the match game, I think that’s the game show.

Ev'Yan: Oh my god, yeah!

Jarani: Yeah I don't know, I think they used that phrase.

Simone: No that said “making whoopie”.

Ev'Yan: Which is even more weird, like who thought of that. What do you think?

Simone: Well I think, it's I think it's endearing and the reason why I think so is because if you look at the word “make” or “making love” it's bringing you together. It’s bringing two people together and you're making that love grow stronger. So as much as I'd like to say that it sounds like it's cheesy, it's really not. In fact I would say that I use it, Jeff and I use it more times than not. Because, to me, “sex” sounds more like “ugh, sex” but “making love” sounds very endearing and very precious and very sweet. And I think that's kind of the way I view our relationship, so it’s like we’re bringing us together.

Ev'Yan: So I have to say that I asked that question to every one of my guests, I never ask that question to you guys before, but I ask that question to everyone of my guests and like ninety percent of the time everyone's like I don't like that, its gross, I don't, it just sounds so corny, it's a cheesy. I think the last time I talked to someone about this I said like, I can't say it without cracking a smile because it just seems so like weird. But I love your response, like I don't know, I guess I haven't really thought of it as making your love grow stronger. That’s interesting.

Simone: It’s kind of like when you're making a batch of bread and you get like yeast and then you get the flour and everything else and then what you see is this little lump of clay but then the more the yeast begins to rise, it grows and grows and grows. Well that's kind of how making love it's kinda like bread, where the more you invest in it the more you grow more and more in love. So it's kinda like you're making this happen.

Ev'Yan: That’s so sweet, I like your answer.

Jarani: I've not thought of it that way.

Simone: Yeah, yeah I learned something more with Jeff every single time we do make love because it's like we bring ourselves together and I probably will answer the question before you even begin to ask, but is there such thing as make up sex or make up love? Yes there is. So I mean like if you have an argument, sometimes you have to make cookies, make bread, make whatever.

Ev'Yan: I love how she keeps going back to baking it's like, it’s my heart. I love pastries, anyway.

Simone: Yeah it's just like that. You know, you look at it as a way of coming back together again

Ev'Yan: This is so cute.

Jarani: Like my eyes are watering.

Ev'Yan: This is so precious.

Jarani: I feel like ashamed of myself now that I was like, making love is a no.

Ev'Yan: No, I also think it might be a generational thing too because like every person that I've asked this question to you is like below the age of like forty, you know. I think there might be something to that because I feel like making love came from like way, way, way back in the day, you know what I mean? Like it wasn't like I feel like people in our generation are using that term and maybe that's why it it feels so cringey and so awkward. But when Mommy explains it in that way it makes sense and I'm like, oh no wonder folks use that in that way, you know what I mean? Like it just gave me a different meaning.

Okay next question, have you ever fooled around in the backseat of a car?

Simone: Are you talking about married or not married?

Ev'Yan: No one was getting specific about if they were married or boyfriend or partnered in that question, so just period.

Simone: Yeah, yes.

Ev'Yan: Jarani?

Jarani: Yes.

Ev'Yan: Would you care to elaborate?

Jarani: Yeah, yeah sure okay I’ll elaborate. So most memorably it was one of our, one of our wedding anniversaries, it was not this most recent but was a wedding anniversary, I remember - no, dating anniversary because it was snowing out, actually it was freezing in the car and we were laughing the entire time because we're like what are we thinking, why are we doing this. But it was, it was really comical but if I am really admitting this to myself, we actually like fooled around in the movie theater that we saw a movie in and then we went to the car. So it was like a multi part evening.

Simone: And nobody yelled get a room?

Jarani: No we were parked behind like a snow pile.

Ev'Yan: Wow amazing. Mommy would you care to elaborate but you don't have to, you know any stories?

Simone: No.

Ev'Yan: Okay that's fine, that's all good. I'll say the funniest story that I ever had fooling around in the back of the car was when Jonathan and I first started dating and obviously he was living in a studio apartment and I was living with you guys so like I didn't really, we didn't really have a place to go. And often times what we do is, we would just like get motels and just like stay the night just so that he didn't have to drive home really, really late, all that stuff. And so one time, I can't believe I'm telling the story to you I feel so bad, one time I used the line, we're going to go get ice cream, only because anytime I ever in my life with the boy said “we're getting ice cream”, we weren’t getting ice cream.

Jarani: Oh my gosh, I thought you really liked ice cream.

Simone: Yeah she really loved ice cream.

Ev'Yan: So one time, Jonathan was over we said that we were going to go get ice cream and we ended up parking in the goalie behind our house. And we were fooling around in the back of the car and we saw this really bright light flooding in the backseat and I freaked out because I was like, oh my gosh it's a cop we're about to get arrested. And then I heard something over head and I was like, that sounds like a helicopter. Sure enough it was a helicopter. He was shining it's brights into our car and I thought we were getting arrested. So I was half naked, Jonathan was fully naked. I was freaking out being like, oh my gosh were about to get arrested and I was like trying to put on my clothes and jumped in the front seat of the car. I turned on the the car engine and we started driving and it started following us and I really think that they were just messing with us later. Very clearly they saw that we were like two teenagers getting busy in the back of a car and they're like, hey you know what we should do tonight and they followed us for a couple blocks before they like flew away. That was the last time we ever fooled in a car. It scared us so bad like we were shaking for like thirty minutes. Actually when we came home I was still visibly shaken and I was telling Jonathan like I hope my mom and my sister can't tell what happened because clearly we didn't get ice cream because I was like traumatized. That's my story, last time we ever fooled around in a car.

Jarani: Wild.

Ev'Yan: Okay question number three, would you rather accidentally send a dirty voicemail to your boss or to your mother? You have to pick one.

Jarani: Oh my god.

Simone: Dirty, meaning? Can you elaborate?

Ev'Yan: Um something you would not want-

Simone: As if I was sending it to my husband?

Ev'Yan: Exactly.

Simone: I would definitely send it to my boss on accident before I sent my mom.

Ev'Yan: Really? Why your boss?

Simone: Because my boss would be way more understanding. If I said oops, my mother would be way over her head and she would go, “I don't understand, why did you say that to me and I didn’t raise you that way, you use that word, that’s a cuss word”.

Jarani: I completely understand.

Simone: My boss would also be more like, no problem, I got it.

Ev'Yan: Okay what about you?

Jarani: I would rather it go to my boss.

Ev'Yan: Really?

Jarani: Yeah I would much rather not have you received that voicemail. I would rather him which is really weird because that's also very traumatizing.

Ev'Yan: Yeah that's hard because obviously I work for myself so I'm my own boss. I don't know I feel like if I had a boss, I would rather you hear it Mommy.

Simone: I think if I were to get a voicemail by accident from either one of you I probably would say, “okay”. I mean it wouldn’t be like, “oh my god!” I would be like Ev’Yan you actually called me by mistake.

Ev'Yan: Yes, yeah and you're going to turn it off.

Simone: Yeah, I didn't finish listening but you called. I deleted it, I swear I deleted it. I think I wouldn't want to because I feel like it's there's some kind of code of ethics that I would just be like, oh no.

Jarani: I think my only saving grace is that since I work in the cannabis industry I would hope that my boss is just super like stoned when he hears it and it's just like just laughing. I honestly don't think that he would take it seriously at all. He would think this is priceless.

Ev'Yan: Okay question number four, what's a dirty song about sex that you used to sing and love before you knew that it was actually about sex?

Jarani: Like most Prince songs.

Ev'Yan: I know right?

Simone: I know there was this one song called Cream.

Ev'Yan: Oh.

Jarani: Yes. And wasn’t a Little Red Corvette also dirty.

Simone: Yeah, there's a little a connotation that goes with Little Red Corvette but yeah Cream for sure. And then there's one song by Janet Jackson.

Ev'Yan: I think most song by Janet Jackson.

Simone:  I was listening to and literally she was having an orgasm. I mean I heard it like maybe a month ago and I went, how I didn't realize that, after all these years I'm just now realizing that she's having an orgasm on this.

Ev'Yan: Oh my gosh that's so funny. I'm trying to think of the song for me. I think it would probably be that song, I mean it's so stereotypical everyone always says the song but it's true, that Too Close song, “step back you’re dancing kinda close”

Jarani: Oh yeah!

Ev'Yan: When I realized what “the poke” was.

Jarani: Oh my gosh, yeah that’s alarming.

Ev'Yan: Yeah I felt a little gross. And then also that song Peaches and Cream by 112. Yeah I don't know what I thought. I think in my brain I always thought like he was talking about like a daiquiri.

Jarani: See, what I took it as was like I knew that people eating like strawberries and chocolate was like sexy, so I thought like peaches and cream was like another. I thought people were just eating peaches and cream before they got it on, like yeah that was sexy. Like I don’t do strawberries and chocolate, I do peaches and cream.

Ev'Yan: Oh that’s a really interesting twist!

Jarani:  And people called me peaches, like that was like a nickname and later I was like I just like the song and I didn't really know what I was getting at, my bad.

Ev'Yan: Okay question number five, have you ever been caught in the act and if so, by who?

Simone: Yes.

Ev'Yan: Do you care to say more?

Simone: I think you remember this because you were the one that got us in the act.  

Ev'Yan: Oh. Plot twist, it’s me.

Simone: Yeah you were little

Ev'Yan: Oh was that when I was looking through the window.

Simone: Yeah you were looking through the window and were like “what are you guys doing?”. Yeah, you were probably like seven or eight, maybe six, seven. You were like  “what are you guys doing in there?”, and your dad said straight out “Ev’Yan go play!”, “What are you doing?”, “Go away I’m taking a nap.” Yeah, what a good way of taking a nap.

Ev'Yan: Yeah I’m taking a nap but I'm on top of your mom.

Simone: Yeah you were, like okay I think I know something's going on but I’m gonna go somewhere else. And then of course after it was all over and done with, we both said you go first, no you go first, you go out the door first. Like chicken go out the door and face your daughter first.

Ev'Yan: Why were you so scared? Like I had no idea what was going on.

Simone: Because we didn’t know what you were going to ask. So then okay fine, I'll go out the door first and I’m like, hey guys, how's it going.

Ev'Yan: Oh my gosh. Okay what about you?

Jarani: I've actually never been caught in the act per se, like no one's ever barged in. I've had people knock and thank god they knocked but then it was like an awkward thing. Like when I was living with my ex’s parents, like our bedroom is right across from their bedroom and so if they like needed something they would just like pop over and like, not they ever barged in but it was still like this awkward moment of like, okay like let's make our voices sound completely regular, yeah no one is breathing heavy at all, yup super calm, yeah we both have clothes on, totally he's just under the blankets, that's fine. Like whoever looked the least disheveled would kind of like pop up and like, hey no we were just watching a movie. And now we’re like, great we have to be quieter. But yeah luckily I was never actually fully, had never fully been walked i onn. Knock on wood, I don't want that.

Ev'Yan: Yeah that's never happened to me either, praise god.

Jarani: Yeah I would be pretty traumatized no matter who they are.

Ev'Yan: Yeah I'd be pretty traumatized.

Jarani: I still remember of walking in on somebody by accident in the bathroom and that stays with me so like I can't imagine what it be like to walk in on somebody like having sex. Yeah I don't think I could unsee that, yeah really don't think so.

Ev'Yan: Question number six, which do you think is more true, that it's about the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean?

Simone: Okay motion of the ocean.

Jarani: Yeah the motion of the ocean, I would agree.

Ev'Yan: I agree yeah, I would agree. I think that there is way too much importance and precedence put on the size of the penis. Like I think it's really stupid really, really stupid.

Simone: It's kind like a doctor, you could have a scalpel and know how to use that scalpel or you can have a scalpel really botch up the surgery and you have to know really how to utilize it.

Jarani: I love these analogies! I'm gonna be thinking about like sex when I see a man with a scalpel, thinking about sex when I see someone making bread, like oh they’re making love.

Simone: Yes they’re making bread, the yeast is rising, it’s warm in here the yeast is rising.

Ev'Yan:  That was like perfect!

Jarani: That is so precious.

Ev'Yan: Okay question number seven, what is it about your husband that you're most attracted to?

Jarani: Man that's hard! Ssometimes it's just like mannerisms almost, like there just like certain ways he moves or looks or speaks like it's kind of those little things. It's not necessarily like, obviously looking dead at him he's incredibly attractive to me, but it sometimes in those like little things. I think he wouldn't even notice what he's doing. It's kind of when they're oblivious to it like, ugh he’s so hot. It’s subtle things.

Simone: Yeah I think it is subtle because there are times when we're holding hands and I feel I’m ready to trip or fall, he squeezes my hand and lets me know I’m there, I’m not gonna let you fall. And that was when I knew that I was gonna marry him because I knew that he was going to protect me. Because we were going upstairs to get our marriage license and somehow I tripped going up the stairs because I can and I remember instantly he squeezed my hand and instantly stop me from falling and he didn’t even realize. But I thought this is the kind of man that will protect me no matter what the situation and he's done it every single time. I mean he's always let me know no matter what the cost I'm willing to lay down my life if I have to. So that's one of the reasons why I feel like that's attractive to me. And then there are times when like, when he's preaching sometimes, when he's got his hands in his pockets and I’ll look and go man, my man is so powerful. Yeah like that or just when I know that he's doing something that really is provoking, innocently provoking, just the innocence but yet quirkiness in him. Where he is, I know he's like totally laid back, that's when I find that I'm really, really, I find that he's charming and all that.

Jarani:  That’s so cute, she's doing all these cute answers and I'm just saying I'm sitting over here honestly thinking about like the other thing that I find really attractive. Which like something that I find really sexy, that thankfully he has, is like a happy trail. I love a good happy trail. And like she is over here being sweet and I'm just like, happy trails.

Ev'Yan: Well I'll make it better, I'll say that the first thing that really attracted me to Jonathan was, actually the first thing, and you'll actually remember this Jarani. Because we met, Jonathan and I met on Myspace. And so one of the first photos that I saw, I showed to you, remember? He was shirtless and you're like this guy isn't real.

Jarani: Yeah like straight up.

Ev'Yan: At the time it wasn't called a catfish but we know now in our lexicon it's called a catfish. But yeah you're like he's not real, he's not real, he's totally faking, this is not his real photo. But it was like ads for days and I was like how-

Jarani: I was like that's not real.

Ev'Yan: How is a man built like this? Like I don't understand, and like he still has those ads.

Jarani: I thought is that, okay so first I thought that it definitely was not real at all, but then if I entertained that was real and I was like he is a murderer. Like he lures women into like his trap and he's just like a murderer so that's what I thought. Also like this is just all too good to be true, don't do this, don’t meet him he's going to be an ab murderer

Ev'Yan: Yeah it should have not worked.  

Simone: The thing is if you really stop and think about it, sometimes is not necessarily the exterior of a person that attracts you to him, it's more the interior. Because I mean when I divorced, I dated quite a few guys that were, I went by the looks first and then went “oh ugh”. So I've learned so much about I'm not looking at the abs and the muscular build. As well as sexually coming from that angle, I think he pleases me more than any other man has please me and that's what says so much to me. It's not just about what he looks like on the outside but what he does on the inside.

Ev'Yan: Yeah because you guys have that emotional chemistry.

Simone: Yeah for sure.

Ev'Yan: You guys are doing great so far, how you doing? How are you feeling?

Simone and Jarani: Good.

Ev'Yan: Okay number eight, have you ever been hit on by a woman?

Jarani: Yes.

Ev'Yan: You both have the same visceral response. It took you a couple seconds to register. Jarani’s face looks horrified. Mommy’s face, I don't know you looks like. What happened, if you don't mind?

Jarani: Oh my goodness, so I was at a friend's house, he literally just had three additional people who came over that evening. I believed two of them were guys and then there was this girl. And the whole time him, my friend and his roommate kept saying like so and so is coming to the party and she's gonna love you and I was like okay cool whatever like I can’t wait to meet her. And then like as the night progressed like she hasn’t shown up yet and people are like started to get drunk and they're just like well she's gonna love you. I should have taken the hint at that time. So this girl walks in, and I mean to my compliment she was stunning, but the very first thing, they were so right, the very first thing that happened when she saw me and she was like, “hello, who are you?” and then I realized I was like, oh okay. Well the whole night she proceeded to just like basically follow me around, like she was just being incredibly complimentary but girl was like gushing and everyone else thought that was so hilarious because she's very forward person, she's very direct and I could not shake her, I could not shake her at all. And it finally, it took my friend to be like I think she’s good. I was literally just sitting and she would sit in the chair next to me and she would like put her head on her, like her head on her hands as I’m telling a story. Like she fell for it but yeah it was, it was just really funny because she was so, I think just in seeing her and seeing her eyes light up when she saw me was like all my god, I never been looked at like that by a woman before..

Ev'Yan: Okay, what about you mommy?

Simone: Well I was at work way back when and there's an African American woman that kept being really, really nice. Just like “we need to have lunch together” and like okay great and, you know, just to come up to me and she say I love your dress, you look so pretty. Well one night, one evening and I got off of work and was waiting for your dad to pick me up. And I'm sitting outside and she comes up to me with another lady and she says, and all of a sudden she rubs my hand, and she goes “this is my friend”, still rubbing my hands. She goes “this is my friend and do you want to be our friend?”.

Ev'Yan and Jarani: Wow, what?

Simone: Yeah she says, we can be friends. And I’m like we are friends, we’re friends. And I’m like my husband's on his way, oh he's here now. Yeah it was like, I had no idea she was rolling that way but I just thought she was being really extremely nice until she started rubbing my hands and saying this is my friend, do you want to be our friend.

Ev'Yan: What did you say?

Simone: I said, no I'm married, I'm happily married.

Ev'Yan: And you never talked to her again?

Simone: She kind of avoided me, which is for the best. I just thought she was just really nice woman until it turned out to be, “this is my friend”.

Ev'Yan: Okay how many people do you think you've kissed? I love how you both are counting. They're both looking up at the ceiling, counting on their face.

Jarani: I think she, I think she has kissed more people than I have.  

Simone: Maybe ten.

Jarani: Yeah because you’ve dated.

Simone: Yeah ten to twelve.

Ev'Yan: Oh yeah, you’re like double your daughter.

Simone: I mean it wasn’t like anything that lead to anything.

Ev'Yan: But a kiss is a kiss.

Jarani: Oh shoot no actually, I remembered a couple more. So okay I think I’m at seven or eight. Okay. so not too far behind, I was at a solid six before and I was like, no that's right.

Simone: But I mean the saying is you got to, you have to kiss a lot of toads before you meet your handsome prince. And that’s really true because man I’ve kissed some toads.

Jarani: All I have to say is that one guy with a cup. We don’t even have to get into that, just the guy with the cup.

Ev'Yan: No, no, no. Let's move on to the next question, what is your opinion of sexting and have you ever done it?

Simone: No I don't think, I mean I think I'm more reserved because I know that anything can happen. I've had a few texts that have gone to the wrong person accidentally. You know, I might do an innuendo first before I do something really, really bold and blatant. It'll be it something like thinking of you and last night was, you know, was wonderful or whatever but there's no way I'm going to actually sext.

Ev'Yan: Like initiate in some sort of way.

Simone: Oh no.

Ev'Yan: Okay I think that's smart honestly, I really do. Okay what about you?

Jarani: No although when, my now husband and I were just dating, we were long distance for a little while and so we would send like photos to each other and things like that or we'd like video chat but I never texted. I don't know, it just it always seem really risky to me. Yeah I'm not bold enough for that, so yeah really anything else. And even whenever I send photos it takes me about ten minutes to send one photo because I’m staring at the recipient and make sure that it’s him and like I repeat it to myself like a million times, like okay this is the photo, the one I'm sending it to my husband this his name, this is the name, look again, yep it's him, cool, you've not selected anybody else, nobody’s added on, this is not the group chat, okay we’re good. I panic for a little while and then I'm good and then I can send the photo. But yeah I'm always pretty nervous about that myself.

Ev'Yan: All right next question, would you rather never have sex again or never be able to use the internet for the rest of your life?

Jarani: What?

Simone: Wait no internet again?

Ev'Yan:  Would you rather never have sex again or never be able to use the internet for the rest of your life?

Jarani: That is a cruel question.  

Ev'Yan: You have to pick one.

Simone: I think rather not have sex because you can be intimate without having the actual intercourse. I love that touch and the ability just to lay in each other's arms and I could totally be good with that and still have the internet.

Ev'Yan: That's true. Jarani is having a real crisis.

Jarani: I find this question greatly disturbing. This means I can’t even use my GPS, I have to use maps, I can’t even look up recipes, no email.

Ev'Yan: Okay you can use the internet but only if you go to the library and you have to go to the library like no more than twice a week.

Jarani: Oh my god.

Simone: That means no Yelp review.

Ev'Yan: No Instagram.

Jarani: I mean I’m good on those things but like I like being able to Google some stuff, I like playing games on my phone.

Ev'Yan: I mean that would not be internet though.

Jarani: Okay so then maybe no internet.

Simone: Really? But what if you could still get pleased without having intercourse.

Jarani: Also the perspective that I'm coming from is like, as a person who deals with a lot of chronic pain something that actually makes my body feel good, like that is like my little corner the world of greatness. And by all means the internet is also a great distraction from life there's a plethora of information, answers, socialize but it's like I would more be missing the research aspect and a GPS than I would be missing like social media and like all that like, I don't care that much about losing that, I care about like losing the research.

Ev'Yan: But yeah you would still have your research because you can go to the library. And I wasn't even planning on making that little addendum but just for the sake of giving a little wiggle room because you look like you're about to have an aneurysm.

Jarani: I think I did, I think I might have died and come back. That was really brutal, that was the most savage question so far without a doubt.

Ev'Yan: Okay question number twelve, where is the most unconventional place you've ever had sex and you don't have to elaborate, just name the place.

Jarani: I guess I kind of named that earlier, the movie theater. Although I was once hanging out with some family, that was not you all, and like Oly and I decided to like sneak off into the woods, we were both keeping watch because we like placed ourselves on a trail and basically I was like you look left and I'll look right. And so we came back to like all the family and everything, like I think it's really pretty over there like over that hill. So yeah that and the movie theater. The movie theater was probably the all time and probably would have never happened had it not been that place because it has couches. Yeah, I mean there are couches, yeah it wasn’t just like some regular movie theater chair. I was on the couch and I christened that couch and really sorry to that establishment.

Ev'Yan: Okay what about you Mommy?

Simone: There’s two places, one golf course or a school playground.

Jarani: Those are good!

Ev'Yan: A golf course? That’s cool, you get points. And a school playground?

Simone:  Yeah a school playground.

Jarani: Wow I’m so impressed.

Simone: Yeah I paid for it later.

Ev'Yan: Why?

Simone: Because I’m allergic to grass. I had welts and hives everywhere.

Ev'Yan: At both places?

Simone: Yeah.

Ev'Yan: Oh yeah right because they both had grass. Was it worth it?

Simone: Yeah.

Ev'Yan: Yeah? Okay.

Simone: Afterwards I was like darn!

Jarani: Oh my gosh. Okay could I ask like a random question because is popping through my mind, have you guys done anything like on the beach because I've not and was sand a big of a criminal as I think.

Ev'Yan: Yeah. It’s like sugar, it goes everywhere.

Simone: Yeah sugar that doesn’t melt.

Ev'Yan: I think if you're going to do a beach do it at least on I'd like a blanket or a towel.

Jarani: But don’t you still, you kick sand.

Simone: Yeah there’s no getting rid of that sand.

Jarani: I don't know, I don’t trust it. I think there would be too much abrasion, it’s risky.

Ev'Yan: When it happened to me-

Simone: It’s exfoliation.

Ev'Yan: Yeah it’s exfoliation!

Jarani: Yeah no I don’t want sand in my butt crack.

Ev'Yan: The most unconventional place for me is on a rock in the dessert.

Jarani: Yeah that’s pretty legitimate.

Ev'Yan: And yeah in a half built house, and lots of other places. But this isn’t about me, this is about you. Okay have you ever faked a headache to get out of sex?

Simone: Yes.

Ev'Yan: That was like the fastest time that you answered.

Simone: And I got caught on it too! He was like did you really have a headache. I was like yeah I did, my sinuses are really acting up.

Ev'Yan: Oh that’s funny.

Simone: I had to be honest, I wasn’t honest at the time. I need to take an aspirin.

Ev'Yan: Oh so you kinda copped out to it later.

Simone: Yeah.

Jarani: Yeah so oddly enough for having all these pains, headaches aren't my biggest.

Ev'Yan: So if you were to say you had a headache it would obviously be a lie?

Jarani: Yeah or he would be pretty concerned because when I do get a headache it’s pretty bad. It’s pretty visible when I have a headache because I can barely keep my eyes open when I do, so I would be caught. The other pains though, I mean that's something else. You know, I'm always in pain but there are definitely times when I’m just like yeah I’m just real achy today, you know just full body, no energy maybe tomorrow? And I’m thinking I’m pretty okay, I can kinda move.

Simone: And you feel a little guilty.

Jarani: Yes but like it’s kinda a guilty pleasure because like I bought myself some like solitude in space and then on the other hand like that was kind of shady of me but I feel so good.

Ev'Yan: Okay so we have just a few more.

Jarani: Oh man, okay just steady ourselves.

Ev'Yan: This is probably the hardest question out of all the questions that I’ve asked. It's not that it's a bad question, it's just I can’t believe I’m going to use these words in front of my mother. Okay question number fourteen, how do you feel about butt stuff?

Simone: What the heck is that?

Ev'Yan: Butt stuff.

Simone: Stuff?

Ev'Yan: Yeah.

Simone: I understand the butt but what stuff? What are you stuffing?

Ev'Yan: What do you think?

Simone: Do you mean sex in the butt? Or stick beads in your butt?

Ev'Yan: Yeah sure or like a finger or a tongue.

Simone: Ugh! Do you know what comes out of your butt?

Ev'Yan: Oh man she’s like missed out of the last few years of the internet.

Jarani: People wear shirts that say I like butt stuff.

Simone: I’ve never even heard of that saying before.

Jarani: I mean I feel bad for saying this like in front of you right now but I just read something yesterday that like a Florida man was like arrested because he refused to take a sticker down on the back of his truck that said “I eat ass”. And they arrested him and they held him for a few days and then there is like something that proves like you can't arrest somebody over that, like you can have it up. But like that's a thing.

Ev'Yan: They’re always in Florida. There's always a Florida man.

Jarani: So yeah that's very much, it is all the rage.

Simone: I never heard that before.

Ev'Yan: Well I mean it is just another way of saying like, “what do you think about anal play?”. I like “butt stuff” because it's just it's funnier, you know? Like it has more levity about it and it's just the way that I talk about it, you know?

Simone: Um nah.

Jarani: She’s looking pretty squeamish.

Ev'Yan: Okay yeah. She said “stuffing what?”. That was the best quote of all time, that was so genuine.

Jarani: It's not my jam I have delved into the waters but it is not necessarily my jam.

Ev'Yan: Yeah it’s an acquired taste.

Jarani: And there’s still a part of me in my core that’s a germophobe.

Ev'Yan: Okay I want to talk about this with you all because I feel like this is something that is hereditary because I am also a germophobe when it comes to sexy stuff. Like I don't like spit,  don't like semen, I don't like snot. Like if you have bodily fluids I do not want them to touch me. Because there are some people who dig that stuff like swallowing and you know, but I'm just saying.

Jarani: Like gargling.

Ev'Yan: Look at her face!

Simone: I’m still stuck on spit play. I can’t even imagine what that looks like.

Jarani: You don’t want to.

Ev'Yan: Yeah you don’t, trust me. It’s not for us for us. Okay the reason I brought this up is because I feel like there are some people who are just like I'm really into that and there are people that are just not. And so hearing you say like you're really squeamish and like weird, I'm like oh maybe it is hereditary.

Simone: Yeah I think is.

Jarani: Because I don't like that stuff.

Simone: I think you get to a point where certain things are just not a turn.

Jarani: Yeah and that is definitely one of those things. I suppose like a very distasteful comment would be to say that sometimes I say that I could not like ever picture myself being a lesbian because I could never like go down on a woman, like ugh.

Ev'Yan: But here's the thing that I've heard to counter that, I mean we don't have to go to graphic here because I don't want to-

Jarani: She's like I'm out but at least you know she has like wine.

Ev'Yan: Sure yeah, just have some more wine.

No but the thing that I heard once is that when like it comes to going down on a guy, or someone with a penis, it's not like we have sat there thinking, oh my gosh you know what I really want to do when I see that thing I'm gonna put my mouth in it. You’re just willing to do things for people that you really, really love and that you’re really, really attracted to. So like I think it's, I totally hear what you're saying but I also think that like sex is weird. Sex is like you mashing your parts on other people you know and you only choose to do that with someone that like you really like, you really trust or like you're really attracted to you. Yeah so I'm not saying never say never.

Simone: So in other words what's good for one person, may not be good for somebody else, you know? That spit swapping that sounds like it's like, I envision a straw you're blowing your spit into a mouth, that sounds like the most disgusting thing ever. But I mean hey if you wanted to chew on someone else's gum I mean more power to you.

Ev'Yan: I'm never in the business of yucking anybody's yums, because some people really like it but for me I just I have a hard line on bodily fluids. Yeah, I cannot it's weird but I also have been trying to relax on that a little bit because of what I just said, like bodily fluids are going to happen. So kind of lately, I've been relaxing a little bit and thinking about like well you know it's going to happen and if I can't, if I'm gonna be so weirded out about that, than I shouldn’t be having sex because it’s never going to be clean.

Simone: I don't think it ever will be considered clean, clean per se but I remember when I was a teenager and the very first encounter I had with a penis was when I was in a, I believe he had a Mustang, he pulled it out and started basically jacking off. First of all, I was like stunned because I've never seen one up close. And second when it cum he had his semen on his fingers and he said you want some because I hear that it's really, really good for your, it was something like, it is very healthy.

Jarani: That is a wild introduction to that.

Simone: And I said no thank you because I saw it dripping off of his fingers and I went no. He said come on do you want to taste and I said no thank you.

Ev'Yan: First of all that is just so rude. There’s like no consent there whatsoever, at least he's asking you and didn't like put it in your mouth. But like you know, like why would you, oh my god.

Simone: So I mean but that is my first introduction to seeing someone's penis and then seeing that too.

Ev'Yan: Yeah getting that all at once, that’s disturbing.

Simone: Yeah it’s nasty, please you need to take that away from me because I don't , do you have a Kleenex somewhere, I mean just put that back in your pants right now because I'm not amused. I remember because he was parked, we were parked at a park and as he showed me that and I thought okay I'm scarred for life I will never look at his pants without thinking that again. And he said come on, don’t you want to taste and I said no thank you.

Ev'Yan: You know sure, appreciate the offer but like no thank you, absolutely not. That's really bizarre, that's bold.

Simone: And what health benefit, I don’t think so.

Ev'Yan: I would have been like why don’t you eat it then if it’s so good for you. Ugh lord have mercy. Okay which celebrity would you hypothetically leave your man for?

Simone: I would never leave my man for somebody.

Ev'Yan: Oh for Pete's sake hypothetically just say, like just hypothetical. Mommy looks like she's having a moral dilemma, it's okay it's all hypothetical. It’s not gonna happen.

Simone: I don’t know, you go first Jarani because I’m trying to think.

Jarani: Yeah I'm actually trying to scrounge up a human right now.

Ev'Yan: Well I know, Jason Momoa like if he walked through the door and said I want you to be mine I would be like bye Jonathan, without question.

Simone: But that’s just exterior.

Ev'Yan: Well yeah but that's what we're talking about here. That is the only context. I don’t care what his internal is like, I don't care about is personality, that man is hot.

Simone: Well there's a doctor on TV. His name is Dr. Choi.

Ev'Yan: Who's that?

Jarani: What show?

Simone: Chicago Med.

Ev'Yan: Okay, okay I'm gonna look him up right now while you give us your answer.

Jarani: My answer?

Ev'Yan: Oh he’s cute! Okay I get it.

Jarani: Okay I was watching the very terrible Twilight Zone reboot and I'm so sorry Jordan Peele but it's awful.

Ev'Yan: It is.

Jarani: Yeah it's really. There is, what is his name, he's a fine Asian gentleman, I don't know why we both-

Ev'Yan: Is he from the Walking Dead? He plays Glenn from the Walking Dead.

Jarani: And I don’t know why that man is so, so fine and the reason why I say like I don't know why is just because there are times like people with like that style of like mustache, it's just that mustache gets me but has to be on the right person. But there's just something about that whole Twilight Zone episode, I was just like I don't really care this episode is garbage, I'm getting to look at him like just be like attractive as hell like that was, that was great. And I guess maybe this is kind of basic of me but I think like Jon Snow, Kit Harrington.

Ev'Yan: Oh my god he could get it. Since we’re talking about Game of Thrones, who is the faceless guy, do you know what I'm talking about, do you know who that guy is?

Jarani: Yeah I think he is so fine, so fine.

Ev'Yan: Thank you! I don't even think it's about looks, I think it's about like there's like this mystery about him. I don't know who he is but I know that there's something about him that I want to know.

Jarani: There’s this coy smile he does, that is excellent.

Ev'Yan: Every time he comes on I’m just like ugh.

Jarani: I will second that nomination, I think that's an excellent choice.

Ev'Yan: There was someone else that I was watching Game of Thrones, that I was like -

Jarani: I have a creepy crush on Little Finger like he's terrible, but for some reason I have a creepy crush on him.

Ev'Yan: Me too!

Jarani: There’s just something about his tight little body, it looks small but I don’t know if he’s actually small.

Ev'Yan: And the grey on his temples.

Jarani: Yeah I don't know what happened but like at some point, just like that pepper, like I love a silver fox man, like this graying hair it's just it's excellent and he's got that going for him, I don't know. Oly hates him, he thinks he’s a creep.

Ev'Yan: I mean he's terrible, he’s terrible but he could get it. Well that was a riveting conversation.

Jarani: The Game of Thrones edition of “who would you?”.  

Ev'Yan: Have you ever received a hickey? I feel like that's an easy question.

Jarani: Yeah, oh yeah.

Simone: I think I have.

Jarani: It’s been awhile, I think the last time was an accident too. Like Oly was like “my bad”. I was like “thanks”. But I also did it to him by accident, like oh shoot, yeah you've got work tomorrow, oops curling iron burn. He could actually, like he actually has enough hair now.

Ev'Yan: Yeah that could seriously pass. Okay, name a funny thing that happened to you during sex.

Jarani: I’m trying to think of like little stupid moments like stupid sounds sort of like come out sometimes, like there is like this sound that our chest was making when it was being pressed together. Like this chest thing and it had us in fits, it had us in fits! Like silly stuff like that came to mind.

Simone: I remember using whipped cream one time and the whipped cream was spoiled. It stunk so bad!

Ev'Yan: Wait you didn’t eat it right? It didn’t go into any genitalia?

Simone: No it stunk. Yeah it was gross.

Ev'Yan: Did you even continue the act or did it just die from there?

Simone: No, it stunk.

Ev'Yan: Yeah you probably need to shower. You might get e coli. Oh that’s hilarious, that takes the cake. I don’t even know if I have an answer to that but like it doesn't even matter.

Jarani: Yeah that's great.

Ev'Yan: Number eighteen, have you ever flirted with a stranger?

Jarani: I've had some really weird interactions with strangers where like, of course when I single, but when I was like, is this person like weird soulmate I just encountered. Where you just have this weird interaction like is this something? Like no, it's not.

Simone: Like the guy in the wheelchair.

Jarani: Yes, yes.

Simone: I dared her. Jarani and I used to do a lot of “I dare you” and just it would be random and I'd say I dare you and or she'd say I dare you. And so I saw this guy in a wheelchair and we’re like he's hot. And I’m like I dare you to go over and talk to him and she did.

Jarani: Because like how do you like start the conversation but he kept coming down the same aisle as us and I just kept like, oh he’s fine. No seriously I'm not staring at you for anything else other than the fact that you were super attractive and I think I like kind of said something to that effect to be, like sorry if I’m like weird but like you are really attractive and he like blushed, he was really charming. So definitely I've had some some encounters like that.

Ev'Yan: Okay when do you feel your sexiest?

Jarani: I think it kind of depends on like what I am wearing sometimes. Like there's a couple articles of clothing that I find just to be like really sexy and fun to wear. And then I also really love like a robe that I have, it's like super sexy too every time I put on the robe like just, every time I put on the robe, like even though I'm like looking busted and it still feels like silky and it's like yeah.

Ev'Yan: Yeah I have a robe that does that too. It doesn't even matter what my skin is doing that day or what my hair is doing. I put on the robe and I feel just like a goddess.

Jarani: Yeah I feel fine, so fine.

Ev'Yan: What about you?

Simone: Probably when I'm wearing something that makes me feel like on point, you know? Like how I feel really courageous but when I feel confident and sexy. I mean like I’m in a nightgown or something and Jeff is like I love that on you. I’m like this ratty thing? It really just depends but I feel more confident when I'm wearing something I know that I like and alluring or whatever but yeah.

Ev'Yan: Yeah it’s whatever makes you feel good right now like it doesn't even matter what it is but you just feel good.

Simone: Yeah you just feel confident.

Ev'Yan: Okay last two questions, this one I feel we already answered but what do you think of incorporating food in sex.

Jarani: Oh my gosh.

Simone: Never try honey.

Ev'Yan: Why?

Simone: It’s a sticky mess. Trying licking it off.

Ev'Yan: See this goes back to me getting squeamish.

Simone: I regretted it the moment I did it. Yeah it’s way much, way much.

Ev'Yan: You've given me something not to do then.

Jarani: Yeah, not to say that like that was necessarily on my list of things to do but like I've not really done much food play and I thought like maybe I’m just missing out like maybe I’m boring. You could think that maybe it's like super sexy but at the same time like we have a dog and cat, there’s hair everywhere, all the time. We’ll be kissing and we have to pull apart and be like, dog hair. So I pictured like being like I got some honey wanna play? Honey is like a magnet for fuzz.  

Ev'Yan: I think food play could be cute if it's like out of the bedroom, incorporate it there but not in the bedroom I'm gonna be worried about my sheets. Yeah we have ants in our bedroom. I do not want to have ants crawling on me.

Jarani: Yeah a lot of unsexy things could come from food play.

Simone: I think cooking and sex can be incorporated here lots of times. When Jeff, it's almost like innudendo but it's done purposely where he will make steak and slice of the piece and say, here taste or mashed potatoes the same, here what do you think. And he knows it's good, it's like he-

Ev'Yan: He just wants you to take a nibble.

Simone: So there's certain things that are brought on by that whole “here, taste” kind of thing.

Ev'Yan: Right so like food can be sexy but it is not necessary belong around sex.

Simone: Yeah it doesn’t necessarily need to be rubbed on your nipples or something.

Ev'Yan: I think the only way that it could work is if you went like all in, like you got a tarp and you said okay we've got cakes, we've got donuts, we've got like pomegranates.

Jarani: Wait we have done ice cream play and that was terrible.

Ev'Yan: How did that work?

Jarani: He just likes the idea of like food, he's always just joking like he wants to eat ice cream off my body. But that's like that's gross, it's just gonna be like sticky and gross and I do remember, yeah. It like it's not like we got really into it but I was just kind of like here’s some ice cream on you and like put on my chest and lick it off and like a few more minutes passed and then I ended up kind of touching like my chest and just like, oh no. It was like immediately so sticky that I was like, hard stop we are cleaning this off right now let us not continue. This is a really bad idea, it’s sticky, it’s gross and it's cold.

Ev'Yan: Yeah I don’t want to be sticky and I don’t want to be cold. Okay last question, question number twenty one, I can't believe we have made it.

Jarani: I’m kinda sad this is our last question to be honest, this has been fun.

Ev'Yan: But it must end, please let it end. Okay if you had to give someone a piece of sex advice what would you give them, what would you say to them?

Simone: Don't put yourself in a box be open minded to what feels good and what feels good for your partner too because sometimes we just don't wanna go outside of where our comfort level is so then we lose all creativity as a result of that because we're just so afraid to go further than that. So I think, it would be more don't put yourself in a box.

Ev'Yan: I like that.

Jarani: I do too, very much so.

Jarani: I think mine would be to not get so swept up in like what might seems or like looks sexy. I think a lot of times people still mimic what they see in movies or in porn and get this idea of that's what it's supposed to look like or sound like even and I think it's too like detach yourself from that completely and like have a moment. Like there are times where I’ll kind of get in that cycle of, this is how I'm supposed to look right now, this is the right way to sound and sometimes I'll just completely drop that and like nope focus back on the breath because I'm not even enjoying myself that much I'm so caught up in like mimicking enjoyment but I need to come back into my own breath, take some deep breaths, relax and the minute I get into these deep breaths again I'm having fun and it's awesome. It's like why do I do that to myself like I was just trying to like act sexy instead of just like no, like let me take some breaths, relax and like sex scenes will happen.

Simone: And then also don't listen to your inner voice always because the inner voice’s, gosh I look so flappy why does he find me attractive or I just don't like the way my body looks right now. And then don't squash their compliments either because Jeff will say, oh you're so beautiful and then I’m like yeah right, whatever. Instead just say thank you and you're so sexy. It's like, yeah right, so you know it's important to not squash their compliments towards you because that's where they really see you. The way I look at it is if he didn't mean it he wouldn’t have said it, you know? So that's really important, not to squash it but just take it and use that as power to enjoy yourself.

Ev'Yan: Awe thanks guys, thank you for letting me ask you these strange questions.

Simone: That was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Ev'Yan: I told you I wasn’t going to have you saying silly stuff, it was wholesome, it was tame but it was just on the edge. Just on the edge of tame and wholesome.

Simone: I think you're right, when you said that some of it could be generational because you have to remember that I grew up in an era where in the nineteen sixties you had June Cleaver and then she was wearing high heels and pearls cooking dinner in the kitchen waiting for Roy to come home from work.

Ev'Yan: And in our generation you wear shirts that say “I eat ass”.

Simone: You know, I’m between both of those worlds. So you’re never really one of those.

Ev'Yan: But it's so true.

Simone: I’m in the center of both of those, okay where do I fit in? And some of it is generational, some of it is, man, I'm a pastor's wife now and that stigma holds true that although what happens in your bedroom doesn't leave your bedroom there’s still that part of me that says you gotta stay wholesome because of the way it is.

Ev'Yan: Well I'm really glad that you both were willing to go there with me.

Simone: No problem!

Jarani: It was fun. I'm happy to be on and like have some levity about it too. I did really enjoy that part because the podcast we did together before it definitely felt like heavy and what was wild about it was. I didn't really realize that my story was that heavy and until almost like after the podcast, and I kind of like scooped everything back up and was like, whoa like I thought I always had more like more levity in my mind about like my past and actually was when I said it out loud. So this is been like really refreshing, like so this is fun.

Ev'Yan: Yeah that’s what I wanted.

Simone: This is coming actually full circle because if we stopped and think about it, I'm a mom to you guys and this like I'm talking sex to my daughter's it's intimate and were talking and were open and were honest, whereas when you were younger, there's always that thought of how far should I go. So is this is coming full circle and it is fun and it's cool to be able to have that dialogue with you guys and really be open about it and not feel like, oh I’m so embarrassed. I just really enjoy the time of being able to be candid and open about it. So, to me ,it's a gift.

Ev'Yan: Awe Mommy always brings the wisdom.

Jarani: The warm, fuzzy, feelings, comments, I love it, yeah love it.

Simone: No it's true, it is. I look and like all my gosh we're talking sex and we’re in front of microphones.

Ev'Yan: Yeah and very open.

Simone: Like wow I should be like running but I feel like this is very comfortable because we have that kind of relationship where we can all just talk about it.

Ev'Yan: I don't think very many people can say that they like have conversations like this like around their mother, much less with their mothers like so many people I know can not even like dip a toe into these waters. So I think that's pretty fantastic because also if you would've told me like, I don't know fifteen years ago that we'd be like sitting down having this conversation I would not have believed that so I am like, even five years ago.

Jarani: Yeah I'd probably say, no too, so I think this is excellent.

Simone: It's the beginning, isn't red table talk.

Ev'Yan: It’s brown table—brown table talks.

Simone: Brown girl table talk!

Ev'Yan: There you go. Oh my gosh maybe we should create our own podcast, brown table brown girls. No like seriously, we'll see how this is over. Yeah people might not want to listen to us talking about swapping spit and butt stuff.

Simone: “Oh my god Ev’Yan your mom had no clue.”

Ev'Yan: “What’s butt stuff? Stuffing what?”

All: [Laughing]


This podcast is produced, edited, and designed by me, Ev'Yan Whitney. Find me on my website, evyanwhitney.com and on Instagram @evyan.whitney to keep up with me and my work.

The Sexually Liberated Woman is made possible with by Samantha Riddell and community support from each one of my very special patrons on Patreon. I literally couldn't do this without you.

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Thank you so much for being here and I'll see you in the next episode.